dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We left the knife in your bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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