Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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