the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize