If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
