3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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