Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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