I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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