you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
