Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
