Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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