she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just forgot I was standing up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
