Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
