Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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