I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
