So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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