You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
