I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
