Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
