I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
