You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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