Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
accomplished twins. life is a go
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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