I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
