end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
