if you like me you must not know who I am
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
