I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
