We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As shirtless as possible
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
