i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
