eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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