okay pat passed out under dana's car
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
