If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His nipple licking is glorious
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