I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
