look no pants
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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