He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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