3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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