Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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