So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
