I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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