I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
