How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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