cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
