My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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