OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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