I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
