His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i dont even know how to be here
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
