i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
