You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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