i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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