Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
