Acid is not a monday night drug
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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