what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm both gender and math confused
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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