careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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