I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
