Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
