Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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