At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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