just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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