So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There r osticjed everywhere
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
