Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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