im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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