I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
